Sometimes, it’s alright not to be All Right.
And some days, it’s OK not to be OK.
Everyday, I get to understand the world around me and this life that we live a little bit more. And with this, I get to know myself a little bit more.
After years and years of wanting to do everything on my own. Trusting No one but myself…
Always trying to work that little bit harder than everyone else, seeking validation for myself. Trying to prove to myself that I’m worth something, if anything. I finally give in.
I’m beginning to accept the fact that it’s ok to need someone. That it’s alright not to be able to do everything on my own.
I guess I got addicted to the rush of knowing I fought that battle myself and that I accomplished this on my own. I got used to being proud of myself when nobody else was.
And even though my family appreciates the woman I have become today. And my friends use me as an example of who they want to be. The recognition will never do as much as belief. Believing that I could make it back then when I didn’t look like I would amount to anything. When I was told i was too quiet to get far in any career. When the teacher told me my ambition to become a lawyer was not laid out for black girls, girls like me.
I was never thought how to believe in myself, I just did. I guess i got addicted.
But today I feel good. It’s amazing how sinking so deep emotionally can help you rise up even stronger. For a minute there i thought the downward spiral was never going to stop. It must be the feeling of having nothing to lose that pushes you to try and look up.
Anyway…enough ramblings from me, I think I need to sit back and think about the idea of allowing someone in…