Family matters


Family matters

It happened several times. With all of them. Different men within the family.

I would always smile, and play nice with everyone. I would share my toys and my food. I liked seeing others laugh, especially if I was the cause. Little Jenny was always quiet, she would just sit there and play with my doll. I wondered if the men liked her too.

I wouldn’t talk much. I never said much. I laughed. I smiled and I laughed. Peace and harmony. I liked that. I liked peace.

Multiples times by different men in the family. It happened. They all agreed I wouldn’t talk. I didn’t talk much. I wouldn’t talk.

I still hear his heavy breathing.
The other one always had a strong breath.
The big one smelled the worst.
The youngest took the longest.

“Be quiet, this is our secret ok?”
I nod. I always nodded. They were nicer that way.

The smell of methol cigarettes still nauseates me and I can’t stand the taste of beer.

But with each passing day, the shock that goes through my body at the sound of squeaky stairs becomes less. And I turn off the lights at night now.

Heavy breathing in the gym does not upset me no more, and now the cable guy can come in when I’m alone.

I guess this is why, everyday I try to conquer something new. And if I can’t that day, at least I try to make things better.

This is how I fight back today. This is how I say No.


20 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m sorry. So sorry. I’m also thankful that God’s restored you. Brave, beautiful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jason says:

    Out of the ashes diamonds appear. I’ve never experienced like this. My heart goes out to you. All I have to offer is these two words… stay encouraged. Loved your transparency. I’ll have to take a peek at some of your other blogs.


    1. Dixi says:

      God has given me beauty for ashes indeed. Thank you for your encouraging words Jason. Love, Dixi

      Liked by 1 person

  3. T.D. Joseph says:

    I liked it alot good work.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Angela says:

    Enjoyed. Keep sharing


    1. Dixi says:

      Thanks Angela, I will!


  5. Tikeetha T says:

    Wow! This is so deep. Our experiences are similiar. Whew! I’m sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dixi says:

      Is it? I wouldn’t say that’s good to know but it’s good to know somebody understands.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tikeetha T says:

        Truly understandable. It’s one of the reasons that I’m a very protective mama of my son. I don’t allow him to stay with just any one including family. I’m a survivor and my goal is to make sure that he never has that memory.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. cgcanton says:

    May blessings rain upon you

    May the blessing of the rain be on you—
    the soft sweet rain.
    May it fall upon your spirit
    so that all the little flowers may spring up,
    and shed their sweetness on the air.
    May the blessing of the great rains be on you,
    may they beat upon your spirit
    and wash it fair and clean,
    and leave there many a shining pool
    where the blue of heaven shines,
    and sometimes a star.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Thank you for liking the post on the Martyrs of Uganda; reading this, I see you have every reason to seek the solidarity of their prayers. Be assured of ours. I will add a link to your post. Will

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dixi says:

      Thank you Will


  8. Mowafag says:

    Like Chris Rock once said
    [ Everybody’s got that one molester uncle.
    Your mama’s like, ”Where them kids at?’
    -“They’re with Johnny.”
    -Get them kids! Hurry up, get them kids!
    Don’t leave them with your Uncle Johnny! ]

    Don’t get me wrong, I do brush over pain with laughter, for laughter is one of the best medicines.
    It is those scars that last a life time cause they cut so deep, and very few can bare them and survive.
    Sometimes some of us block the whole thing away in denial, it just never happened.
    The pain is hardly the physical one, that pain fades away, but it is the hurt inside our hearts that aches the longest.


  9. Dixi says:

    I’m sorry. I can’t


  10. Veracious Poet says:

    This comes deeply from the heart. I’m sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dixi says:

      Not sure how to respond..thank you.


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