The Strong Independent Woman

A lot of times, us next generation ‘independent women’ pride ourselves in our inner strength. We love to boast about it and encourage each other to be strong and keep going. We love the feeling of going through so much yet handling each situation calm and collectively each and every time. Our kind of woman plans her days ahead and works towards ambitious goals. She never gives up with disappointment or looks back with regret. Keep pressing on is what she will hear her peers say.

And while it is great to know our own strength, and beautiful to see ourselves rise up after each fall time and time again…..while it takes the extraordinary makings of a woman to come out of each storm with courage and a smile, I sometimes wonder if there is shame to be found in a woman who sometimes, feels weak.

I was always thought that a man goes out into the world each day, fighting many battles. Therefore, it is important to make sure his house is a home, a safe haven and a place of peace so that he can take down his armor and put down his sword. So that he can lay down vulnerably in his wives arms and find rest, security and comfort in her.

So what of that strong woman, who after coming home from the battlefield, finds herself feeling weak? Finds herself, feeling unstable and shaken by circumstances out of her control. Who for once, does not feel put together and finds herself losing control over those responsibilities that are supposed to be hers to keep.

Can a strong independent woman be disappointed and discouraged sometimes without instantly being told to move on? Is it okay for a woman of valour to feel overwhelmed?

Should not the beauty of emotion, the instinct and sensitivity of a woman be embraced as assets instead of weaknesses? Surely, a woman’s natural ability to care for those least cared for without hesitation should stand for something. And should that woman who stands with her man through tribulations and trials without expecting any form of appreciation in return apart from his well being not be honored instead of shamed for sticking around? Is a woman who loves to love and be loved in return no longer independent? Is finding joy in making other people smile apart from herself a sign of low self-esteem?

Being able to put ourselves and our pride aside for the sake of others is one of the greatest gifts God has given us women. Yet this is condemned by the me, myself and I’s…

Is it weak of me to not want to be strong every time? Am I still a real woman if I too take my armor off, put down my sword and rest?


6 Comments Add yours

  1. wairegilinda says:

    You’re not weak for wanting to take your Armour off… Knowing when to rest and recharge is showing strength


  2. Tikeetha T says:

    Yes, you can still be considered strong. It’s that dang “black women are supposed to be strong and not show weakness mentality”. Heck, we get tired of being superwoman. Let someone else do it. It doesn’t make us any less strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. chewfronta says:

    How poignant that these doubts must arise! The story of every hero and every quest is of overcoming self-doubt and sagging character. It is not whether one wins the grail or loses it. It is that one arises and arises and arises to seek it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Veracious Poet says:

    Interesting post! I like the way you compressed so many questions into one short post. I have been hearing the phrase ‘strong independent woman’ for some years now but I am not sure it means the same thing to different people. We are social beings and we are most happy when in a social state. But many have taken ‘independence’ to the nth degree therefore cutting off potential friends and collaborators.

    Like you, I also do not like socially defined roles for men and woman, it can be overburdening for people who are ambitious careerists or who didn’t grow up in conventional homes. I think everyone should do what makes him or her most comfortable and happy. When two minds unite (which is often better), they become a single unit so it may not really matter who plays what role.

    ‘Am I still a real woman if I too take my armor off, put down my sword and rest?’ — I don’t think you cease to be a real woman the moment you relinquish your sword and rest. After fighting and winning all the battles, there should be someone to celebrate with otherwise there is no point. But it’s even better to fight along with that someone who will be a witness to the battle, to your valour, to your wounds and to your victories. I hope I’m making sense.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dixi says:

      Thanks. And yes you are making a whole lot of sense haha! I like your viewpoints on this. Especially moving away from already defined roles. Ideally, standing together in adversary vs standing alone having to carry heavy burdens. I guess I wish there was not so much focus and pressure on what we can prove to each other and instead pay more attention to what we can do together.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Veracious Poet says:

        Precisely! Two heads are definitely better than one…and often do more if they are compatible.

        Liked by 1 person

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